Feeling Alone
It’s the Holiday Season and we’re all supposed to be feeling happy and festive! I have a confession. I haven’t been feeling so happy. Or festive. For some reason I’ve been feeling blue. Really down. Low energy. One friend told me it could possibly be SAD: Seasonal Affective Disorder. The days get shorter and it impacts our emotions. I do think this could be some of it. And maybe even some of what was happening when I struggled with what I have referred to as feeling angry/depressed at Christmas time in my talk with Big Robb.
As I have been evaluating what is going on beneath the surface, it comes down to feeling overburdened and facing life alone. Now you may be thinking: You have five kids. Are you ever really alone!? That’s a valid question! But what I’ve come to realize is that no matter who is in our lives, we all go through periods of feeling utterly alone.
My alone-ness rears its ugly head when I have a lot on my plate that I’m trying to work through or challenging problems I’m attempting to solve. Maybe some of you reading this can relate. The list of things we take on is long: pay the bills; do the shopping; cook the meals; manage the home maintenance (and there are so many things!!); keep the car running; make time for the people that matter to us; make time for the people that need us; keep the yards tidy; remember all the special days; help sick friends or family; take care of new babies…and on and on it goes. This doesn’t even include responsibilities as it relates to a career or school!
I also think I’ve been feeling a little sorry for myself. You know if I only had someone to help bear the practical load of life. Someone who could tell me how to best manage a dispute with my HOA. Or tell me what I should do with my son’s car (I think the transmission is slipping??). As a single woman, this is where I could really use a dad in my life.
As I’ve been processing all of this, I have come to realize that no matter who we are we all go through seasons of feeling deeply alone. People who have dads helping them through life feel alone. People who have wives feel alone. People who have boyfriends feel alone. People who have aunts and uncles feel alone. People who have kids feel alone. No matter a person’s situation, everyone has felt utterly, absolutely and devastatingly alone at some point. There is not one single person in the world that can crawl inside our skin and fully bear life’s burdens with us.
Today though, I was reminded that there is one Individual who does live in me and can help carry my load. And that is the Creator of the Universe. This Spirit can’t drive my son to his cross country meet, but It can provide presence and comfort. One of my favorite scriptures is 2 Corinthians 1:4 : “He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” This tells me two things: 1) I will be able to comfort others in due season. 2) Ask for comfort from others when I need it.
In addition to thinking, I have also been taking action during this SAD season to help my emotional state:
Made four appointments with a therapist. - Four so I follow through discussing all the things on a list I created.
Shared my burden with two of my best friends who have already seen/heard me ugly cry numerous times. - You’d be surprised how just verbalizing/crying/sobbing your burden to someone who loves you unconditionally can lighten the load.
Started running more. - Hello, much needed endorphins!!
Spent time with an old friend. - Listen to Ben Rector’s song Old Friends (Thanks MJ! You breathed new life into me my dear “old” friend xoxo)
We live in a day and age where everyone is posting the highlight reel….which there is nothing wrong with! Life is so hard we should absolutely celebrate our wins with one another! But I hope in some way, I can share some of the hard things of life too and tell you…if you are in this place…there are others in the world, such as myself, that struggle here too.
Until next time, keep taking the tiniest little step in front of you. It really will pay off!
Shelley
“I will not allow fear to dictate my destiny!”